National Weather Center Renames Hurricane Matthew To Ryan Fitzpatrick In Hopes They Can Intercept It

HURRICANE OVER FLORIDA AND CUBA

MIAMI, FL – Scheduled to make landfall in Florida Thursday afternoon, the Hurricane Matthew, which has already ripped through the islands and warm water of the Caribbean, now stands at a Category 4.

Frantic, the National Weather Service along with some of the top hurricane researchers and trackers available, called a press conference at approximately 1:40 PM ET.

NWC head Louis Uccellini and Florida Governor Rick Scott began their televised announcement with that decision that they would change the name of the storm from ‘Matthew’ to ‘Ryan’, ‘Ryan Fitzpatrick’ that is.

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“This is out best shot, Uccellini said. “We have to intercept this storm. Fitzpatrick has been intercepted 9 times in his last two games. We just need one more. Though the chance the hurricane will get offended by being associated with the NFL’s shittiest QB right now, we can also then renamed it again to Geno. Talk about a slap in the face. Or a punch.”

Scott added, ‘Worse comes to worst, the storm will hold out.”

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