Patriots Put Hellen Keller In At Quarterback, Somehow Still Manage To Win

FOXBORO, MA - SEPTEMBER 21: Tom Brady #12 of the New England Patriots at the line of scrimmage during the second quarter against the Oakland Raiders at Gillette Stadium on September 21, 2014 in Foxboro, Massachusetts. (Photo by Darren McCollester/Getty Images)

FOXBOROUGH, MA – The Patriots were sitting pretty; the suspended Tom Brady coming back in less than two weeks, and backup Jimmy Garoppolo doing a little more than holding down the fort in his absence. But that all came to a halt when Garoppolo went down with an injury last week.

While being tackled by Kiko Alonso of the Dolphins, the QB sprained his AC joint, taking him out of the game and likely until Tom Brady returns. With only one more quarterback left on the entire roster, Belichick and the front office opted to scan the free agency market for a more experienced QB to fill in for a few short weeks.

First reported by ESPN’s Mike Reiss, it was announced Thursday morning that the team had signed a rather unknown QB, Hellen Keller. The 5’3″ 119-pound Keller played at the Tusumbia School for the Blind in Alabama, only lesser known because of it’s in-state rival Alabama Crimson Tide. “Nobody saw this coming,” Reiss noted. “Frankly, she didn’t either.”


Keller started for the Patriots against the Houston Texans in Foxborough on Thursday Night Football, completing 1 of her 37 pass attempts, 3 of those attempts being intercepted. Yet somehow, someway in Bill Belichick’s system in New England, the Patriots still found a way to win – their third of three with Brady suspended.

“She’s been great. Adapted real quickly to our system,” head coach Bill Belichick said. “In fact it took us longer to translate the playbook into braille than it did for her to memorize plays. Helped with all the secret film we have though.”

No word yet on if Belichick and the team will go with Keller for their Week 4 game or if the Patriots will sign free agent Qb Air Bud and go 4-0 with him.