REPORT: Patriots Sign 6’7″, 400lb. Free-Agent QB From Cincinnati, Likely To Start Week 4


FOXBOROGH, MA – The New England Patriots found themselves in a predicament this week when neither Jimmy Garoppolo nor Jacoby Brissett showed enough progress in their recovery form their respective injuries to be able to play Sunday in the team’s game against the Bills.

With trying to avoid an unnecessary injury to WR Julian Edelman who’s the team emergency 4th-string quarterback, New England’s front office scrambled to find a QB for Week 4 before Brady returns. Apparently they’ve found their guy.

ESPN’s Mike Reiss is reporting that the team has signed Harambe Ebmarah out of the Cincinnati Zoo, Ohio. Standing at a monstrous 6-foot, 7-inches and weighing in at 400 pounds, nobody is quite sure how this will work, but leave it to Bill Belichick’s genius to make it happen.


It will be a tough task to learn the team’s playbook with such limited time, but if Sam Bradford did it, an ape can too.

“He’s got a real shot to be good,” Belichick told reporters. “As long as he doesn’t take too many shots back there and no small children fall or run onto the field we expect him to flourish.”

After calculating Harambe into the mix, new Vegas odds show the Patriots still favored by 12 points.

Rex Ryan might not be the only thing out in Buffalo this Sunday…if you know what I mean.