Jay-Z Magna Carta Holy Grail Review: NotBillWalton Style

Two best moments for Hip Hop in recent history: Nas with “Let Nas Down”, “Made Nas Proud” and Jay-Z selling 1 million of his albums to Samsung before it was even out. One for celebrating the love of hip hop, and the other for celebrating the excess of it.
Jay-Z has never been your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper. However he has managed to not only stay relevant in 2013, but push the limits of how to be finally successful. Plus, he is still spending money from ’88.

The man has everything. Was a part owner of the Brooklyn Nets, is a sports agent repping Kevin Durant, is married to Beyonce, and went platinum before he even released an album. What can he possibly rap about? Evidently, a lot. I have to give Jay credit for even attempting this album. Most dads in their 40s are uncool, making crappy movies with Adam Sandler. This guy is still relevant.

So allow me to sit back, engage in a bout of mental yoga and a bottle of brandy as I listen to Magna Carta Holy Grail and review it, Not Bill Walton Style. Its all a stream of consciousness. HERE WE GO!

1. Holy Grail – Epic multi-dimensional futuristic time travel, Jay Z flying through the stars on a comet with all kinds of lightning bolts screeching by as he raps in some sort of alien dialect that somehow we all can understand, for we are all tied together through that common thread know as loving good music. Who doesn’t like this? Only evil people like Newt Gingrich and Donald Sterling could hate on this. Anyone remember those old Windows screen savers that you could stare at for hours while your music played? This is the music version of that. Camel Comet Music. Love it. Jay wins this special badge for this song: flying-camel

2.Picasso Baby – ooh… I have that strange Ray Allen face right now, you know how he always looks like he smelled a stinky fart.

rayallen0616

This is furious. Funk face music. This beat is electrified deer antler spray injected into your earlobes, making you want to howl at the moon, grow long fingernails and become a werewolf vampire hybrid, attacking any who question the brilliance of the song. My goodness gracious Jay, this is a helluva way to start the album. I haven’t even listened to the lyrics yet. Okay. Okay. This is sold old school Jay Z on some 2013 craziness. I want to drive a Tesla with my hands up like Im at Six Flags. This is on repeat.

 

764 COMMENTS

  1. Spot on. Very underwhelming its mostly all hype Jay Z makes people think hes better than he really is although hes still real good hes not Super Saiyan. To sum it up, The production is all very good, Only 5 good songs to me, the rest is Marc Cuban music.

    My Review: “Magna Carta Holy Grail” Is not an album for the people its an album for people like himself(Jay-Z) in high positions. Its Elitist rap disguised as HipHop. If Donald Trump like rap music he would love this.

    Track 1 AMAZING!!
    Picasso Baby and Tom Ford skippable tracks in my opinion
    #4 Ross track good
    #5 Oceans blah
    #6 F.U.T.W. eh,
    #7 Somewhere in America is good
    #8 Crown is Banging
    #9 Heaven CRAZY Beat cool flow and hook
    #10 Versus Super short WEIRD WTF (SKIP IT)
    #11 Beyonce nuff said Great verses too
    #12 Beach is Better good all around but short
    #13 BBC is Jay Z & friends
    #14 Jay Z Bue (got Biggie doing ad libs WTF)
    #15 La Familia(ironic kinda wack, ROC eating?)
    #16 Nickles and Dimes Good Closing song

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