Jay-Z Magna Carta Holy Grail Review: NotBillWalton Style

Two best moments for Hip Hop in recent history: Nas with “Let Nas Down”, “Made Nas Proud” and Jay-Z selling 1 million of his albums to Samsung before it was even out. One for celebrating the love of hip hop, and the other for celebrating the excess of it.
Jay-Z has never been your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper. However he has managed to not only stay relevant in 2013, but push the limits of how to be finally successful. Plus, he is still spending money from ’88.

The man has everything. Was a part owner of the Brooklyn Nets, is a sports agent repping Kevin Durant, is married to Beyonce, and went platinum before he even released an album. What can he possibly rap about? Evidently, a lot. I have to give Jay credit for even attempting this album. Most dads in their 40s are uncool, making crappy movies with Adam Sandler. This guy is still relevant.

So allow me to sit back, engage in a bout of mental yoga and a bottle of brandy as I listen to Magna Carta Holy Grail and review it, Not Bill Walton Style. Its all a stream of consciousness. HERE WE GO!

1. Holy Grail – Epic multi-dimensional futuristic time travel, Jay Z flying through the stars on a comet with all kinds of lightning bolts screeching by as he raps in some sort of alien dialect that somehow we all can understand, for we are all tied together through that common thread know as loving good music. Who doesn’t like this? Only evil people like Newt Gingrich and Donald Sterling could hate on this. Anyone remember those old Windows screen savers that you could stare at for hours while your music played? This is the music version of that. Camel Comet Music. Love it. Jay wins this special badge for this song: flying-camel

2.Picasso Baby – ooh… I have that strange Ray Allen face right now, you know how he always looks like he smelled a stinky fart.

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This is furious. Funk face music. This beat is electrified deer antler spray injected into your earlobes, making you want to howl at the moon, grow long fingernails and become a werewolf vampire hybrid, attacking any who question the brilliance of the song. My goodness gracious Jay, this is a helluva way to start the album. I haven’t even listened to the lyrics yet. Okay. Okay. This is sold old school Jay Z on some 2013 craziness. I want to drive a Tesla with my hands up like Im at Six Flags. This is on repeat.

 

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Cole J Henry
Cole has been writing with Daily Snark since 2012. He was an early contributor in basketball, writing satire articles. He enjoys the NBA, NFL and NCAA sports. Only likes to be photographed wearing his shades. A big Grateful Dead fan.