Jay-Z Magna Carta Holy Grail Review: NotBillWalton Style

3. Tom Ford– Space Invaders Maybach music. This is rich Hov. Multi Millionaire weirdo Sean Carter. He actually named a song after a fashion designer? I cant imagine a time when I ever drive down a street playing this. I’d rather blast some Bieber or Lohan than have people hear me playing a song celebrating the guy who made metallic boots fashionable. This is Spice Girls Frank Ocean Rainbow Brite Punky Brewster on heron type music.

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No rotation for you.

4. FuckWithMeYouKnowIGotIt – Okay, Im not sure whats going on. Jay just went from Fashion Star to Euro-Hood Music. Im more confused than Ryan Seacrest. Pause. Beyond that…I guess its okay.
5. Oceans – Oh boy. Mr Overrated, Frank Ocean himself has entered the building. Dude always sounds like he should be singing about something deep but at the end of the day he is just that weirdo on the corner with a flask of Paul Mason rambling while crust forms on the corners of his mouth. Yet somehow, you want to buy what he is saying. He still makes you think the ranting of a homeless are mysteriously explosive. Basically, its like hearing me describe an incredible basketball play. I don’t know what Im saying either. But it just sounds so right. Well, that is this song in a nutshell. I have absolutely no idea what Prince Ocean and Jay are babbling about, it could be Illuminati golden pyramids taking off for outerspace, or bullet proof elephant tusks embroidered with the blood of baby unicorns, I have no clue.

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But it sounds hot, so I can dig it. This is the kind of music to worship Pharaohs to. Grab a serpent, slice it open with a scepter and listen to this. You just might be granted eternal life.

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Cole has been writing with Daily Snark since 2012. He was an early contributor in basketball, writing satire articles. He enjoys the NBA, NFL and NCAA sports. Only likes to be photographed wearing his shades. A big Grateful Dead fan.