BREAKING: Chip Kelly Trades Entire 49ers Organization For A Corn Dog

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SANTA CLARA, CA – Chip Kelly was fired after three years from his first NFL gig as Eagles head coach just a few short weeks ago, and as of Thursday afternoon, the Oregon fan boy has a new job, all the way across the country in the bay, as 49ers head coach.

The team has no yet held an induction press conference for Kelly and he is already making moves. According to sources inside the 49ers team, he has traded the entire organization to St. Louis for a corn dog. Along with the corn dog figures to be a few pick, likely in the 4th or 5th round. Those sources also say they are being traded buy Chip as well. According to those close with the coach, the juicy, succulent wiener wrapped with that fluffy golden brown breading was just too much to resist for the 52-year-old.

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Sources haven’t confirmed exactly which corn dog Chip chose yet, but it was likely it was made in Oregon.

Kelly is known for his fast pace offense that catches the defense off guard with pure speed and play calling dynamics. The Eagles averaged a play once every 23.1 seconds of possession under Kelly, which is only 4 seconds longer than it takes for Kelly to actually consume a corn dog.

No word yet on the reaction from the 53 man roster and the rest of the coaches, personal, trainers, and management alike, but they’ll likely address the issues during media availability Friday.