BREAKING: Browns Sign Fan Who Threw Dildo Onto Field At Bills Game, Will Start At QB

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CLEVELAND, OHIO – The Cleveland Browns looked to have their first win in hands today, arguably equal to the level of improbability of the Cavs and Indians winning titles in their respective sports in the same year.

Somehow, someway the mighty Jets (sarcasm) stormed their way back, led by Ryan Fitzpatrick throwing passes intended for the defense that were intercepted by his WRs for touchdowns.

During the 4th quarter, with FirstEnergy Stadium in Cleveland showing the more exciting Bills vs Patriots game on the jumbotron in a attempt to distract the fans from the horrid play on the field, the dildo heard around the world was thrown onto the field by a Bills fan.

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“it just hit me, right then. Not literally of course, that would be awkward,” Browns GM Sashi Brown told reporters. “We called up the Bills and told them to not let that fan leave the stadium without getting his name.

“Is he in trouble?” Ralph Wilson Stadium operations manager Stuart Levy asked.

“No,” Brown noted. “We need to sign that guy. Stat.”

There is not indication on the amount that the contract may be worth, but initial indications per ESPN’s Adam Schefter are in the ballpark of two years for $10 million.