Colin Kaepnerick Looks To Have Signed With Al-Qaeda Instead Of Broncos


RAQQA, Syria – Colin Kaepernick to the Broncos looked to be an all but done deal this weekend, until talks of contract hang ups haven’t allowed the ink to touch the paper just yet.

The roadblock in the negotiations? Who will pay $4.9 million in salary for Kaepernick next season?

The framework of a deal has been reached that would send the quarterback from the 49ers to Denver, only with the QB’s guaranteed salary of $11.9 million remaining the final issue on which neither team nor Kaepernick has yet been willing to compromise. ESPN reports the Broncos have offered to pay $7 million in salary, but want the 49ers to pay the remainder, not them.


Speculation has been rampant that the Broncos were close to a deal to land the 28-year-old quarterback, following reports he had met twice with Broncos executive vice president of football operations/general manager John Elway. ESPN reports that the Broncos and Kaepernick “have made progress” in restructuring the rest of his contract, which runs through 2020.

After all these talks and speculation on when and even if this deal would get done, American journalist Adom Scheftur sent news back to the United States that Colin Kaepernick has terminated any contract negotiations and called it quits in the NFL, now working as a militant.

The terrorist regime now seems to be reaching its recruiting radius all the way to the United States, willing to pay Kaepernick the 4.9 million after a new oil well found outside a camp. Scheftur noted Al-Qaeda will have to cut a few members to stay under the salary cap.

A United States translator allowed the media to speak with the recruiting manager of the group:

“Kaepernick is the type of fighter we look for. Good endurance, mobile, explosive, and can throw bombs. He’s the complete package.”

(h/t Twitter user @BoneJones57)