REPORT: Texans Offer Dez Bryant $72mil Contract After Seeing Him Throw TD Pass


HOUSTON, TX – The Houston Texans find themselves in a situation where they have clinched their division with a blind man as their QB who has been surpassed by a man named ‘Savage.’

The Texans received louder cheers than they had previously all season before their comeback win against the Jaguars at home last week, when head coach Bill O’Brien finally benched their 72 million dollar quarterback for the second stringer, Tom Savage.

But with only a near win over the horrid Cincinnati Bengals the week following with Savage under center, the coaching staff knew they had to make a move before the playoffs rolled around to give them a lesser chance of losing in the first round.


“I was just sitting on the couch flipping through channels when I saw the Cowboys vs Lions game, O’Brien told reporters. “It was refreshing to see what a good team from Texas looked like so I kept it on, when all the sudden, this Dez Bryant guy who apparently plays wide receiver takes the ball an chucks a perfect touchdown pass. I’m sitting here thinking to myself why can’t Brock just do that, when it hit me.”


O’Brien reportedly waited until the end of the game to phone Jerry Jones who was just getting done with his strippers, asking for an offer. “What do you want, we’re desperate.”

Early indications are that O’Brien and the Texans reached out in a subsequent phone call with a 40-year, 72 million dollar offer.

Cowboys reporter Todd Archer notes the team has made “no indications” in getting rid of the longtime Dallas WR, but the Texans may be willing to overspend again.

“Those Texans [man], they keep pulling money out of Bill O’Brien’s chin like it’s nothing.