High School Fires Every Coach, Cancels Season After Suspended Player Plays With New Identity

Cardinal Ritter’s football team’s breakout freshman Marvin Burks recently racked up 109 yards and a score during a game. Only problem? Marvin Burks doesn’t exist.

The kid underneath the helmet and pads of “Marvin Burks” turns out to be that of Bill Jackson, the team’s running back whom got himself ejected from last year’s title game, which by state rules mandates he sit out Week 1 of this season.

Instead of his normal No. 4, he wore No. 24 and went under a freshman named “Marvin Burks.” It turns out that Jackson’s tattoos that ended up giving him away. Jackson, as well as head coach Brandon Gregory, denied the freshman ever playing after his 109 yards and 56-yard touchdown in the 32-21 win.


Gregory told the Post-Dispatch that the imaginary freshman Burks, “earned” the start and that “it was his time to play ball.” Jackson also put his acting skills to the test, telling the newspaper that “watching last week, it wasn’t fun at all. It gave me a spark.”

Cardinal Ritter school president Tamiko Armstead decided to void the entire season, ending the team’s 7-0 year and firing every member of the coaching staff.