REPORT: Vikings Would Go After Kaepernick, But He Can’t Stand Either

Screen Shot 2016-08-24 at 8.30.52 PMScreen Shot 2016-08-30 at 8.58.37 PM

EAGAN CITY, MN – The Vikings’ season likely went down right along with Teddy Bridgewater on the practice field Tuesday afternoon, when the budding QB suffered an alleged gruesome dislocated knee and torn ACL.

The team learned of the MRI results around 8:30PM ET, evaporating the slim chance players and coaches were holding onto of Bridgewater being able to make it back at some point this season.

With no suitable quarterback ready to take over a playoff poised team, head coach Mike Zimmer, GM Rick Spielman and there Minnesota front-office members quickly converged on in the team’s war room to discuss a plan with the season now only 9 days away.


Screen Shot 2016-08-30 at 10.13.37 PM

According to those in the room, before the group even all got in the room, the phone in the middle of the conference table was exploding with call after call. The group could barely even talk over the rings which via caller ID, noticed they were coming from the (officially yet not official because its) Brett Favre.

Zimmer’s personal cellphone was reportedly “going off non-stop” as well, with texts flooding in along the lines of “I’M AVAILABLE” and “I’M NOT DONE YET COACH, I”VE BEEN THROWING PASSES TO MY DOG IN MY WRANGLER JEANS ALL SUMMER!” Zimmer noted he regrets opening the attachment Favre sent, that was an accidental dic pic.

“Sorry about that one coach.” Favre quickly sent after.

Soon after starting strategizing, Mark Sanchez was quickly ruled out when they realized they were talking about Mark Sanchez, and then came to a consensus on Michael Vick, saying he had “no fight” left in him.

The last remaining candidate? Colin Kaepernick.

“Kaepernick!” Spielman uttered. “We have to.”

Zimmer responded with, “The guy can’t stand more than Bridgewater can right now.”

They all hesitantly nodded in agreement. Back to the drawing board they went.