Black Man Wears Clothes Made of American Flag, Cops Unsure If Safe To Shoot Him Or Not

Baltimore, MD- Daryl Johnson has a very interesting solution to a centuries old problem.

Johnson, who is black, decided to combat police brutality by wearing a shield of cloth-the American flag. “It doesn’t matter if I have my hands up, hands down, hop on one leg, if I have a box of doughnuts, if I am just laying on the ground, they were still going to shoot me! But now that I wear a flag they have no idea what to do. Watch this!”
We watched as Johnson, wearing his flag clothes, walked outside and watered his grass. To our surprise, no cops came to shoot him dead. Johnson is as happy as can be.

Daryl Johnson, Baton Rouge Resident, draped in American flag apparel
Daryl Johnson, West Baltimore Resident, draped in American flag apparel

“It all started when I was watching that Walking Dead show and saw that they put dead people guts on their clothes to walk past the walkers. The crazy walkers wouldn’t bother them. Then it hit me, I could do the same thing with the crazy police officers!”

“What I realized is that they don’t respect me as a black man. But I figured, they respect that flag. You see how these nutjobs worship a piece of cloth? They may shoot me, but they won’t ever shoot the flag. So I draped myself from head to toe in that flag. I even made a flag helmet! I walked to the store and back home and felt invincible. Try killing me now, coppers!”


Police officers are obviously flummoxed. Officer Brad Mills, a ten year vet, voiced his frustration.

“We pulled him over. We got him out the car ready to start in on him and damn! Dat boy was wearing the stars and stripes! We looked for any open skin, but that black son of a gun was smart. He was covered head to toe in that American flag.”

We asked Officer Mills what stopped he and his fellow officers from attacking Johnson and he had a very poignant answer.

“Believe you me, we would have shot off a pinky finger if we could, but he had it all covered. Shooting a n- I mean black guy is one thing. But we just can’t put bullet holes in the flag. A blood soaked flag laying on the cold pavement for hours with everyone watching! Think of all the people we would offend!”

As word gets out, more and more Blacks are rushing out to make American Flag clothes as the ultimate form of self protection.