‘Twas the Night Before NBA Christmas


‘Twas the night before NBA Christmas, from East Coast to West, not a creature was stirring, not even the alter ego of Ron Artest. The nets were hung on the rims with care, in hopes that tip-off soon would be there.

 Lamar Odom is nestled all snug in his bed, while visions of crack rock danced in his head.  And D-Will in his ‘kerchief, and Pierce in his cap, KG closed his wingspan for a long pregame nap.

 When out on the court, LeBron brought a clatter, the MVP sprung through the air, defying space and matter. And thoughts of D-Wade transforming into the Flash, hoping that Chris Bosh drops the lipstick and sash.


 Steph Curry’s shot silently drops like new-fallen snow, Klay Thompson has the luster to make Golden State a tough foe. When, what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a mystical point guard emerged from thin air….

 With a penchant for acting with the way that he falls, I knew in a moment it must be Chris Paul. More rapid than eagles his Clippers they came, and he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

“On Griffin! On Barnes! On Crawford and Dudley! From the first whistle to the last bounce of the ball! Now flop away! Flop away! Flop away all!

And then, in a twinkling, I heard from afar, the Thunder seem ready for a basketball war. As Ibaka extends his arm, turning the direction of shots around, Perkins growls and snarls when he fights for a rebound.

Westbrook is dressed like a hipster, from his head to his toe, his clothes and his shot selection are stealing the show. As Durant heads to the arena, searching for the title that he lacks, he looks like a child, still wearing backpacks.

Xavier Henry and Nick Young are the youth movement Laker fans want to see, they just wish Coach D’Antoni would leave defensive presence under the tree. Some say Kobe‘s injury seems a bit fishy, that he’s not hurt, he just doesn’t want to wear sleeved jerseys like a sissy.

Knicks’ woes has fans slapping their heads, their roster is weaker than Tyson Chandler’s legs. Melo has a dimpled face anda little round belly, that shakes when he shoots, like a bowlful of jelly!

While in Houston, James Harden‘s beard continues to grow, as Dwight Howard sulks with each errant free throw. Jeremy Lin hands out turnovers like presents to others, because as a good Christian he gives to his brothers.

Doris Burke’s sideline interviews always irritate Coach Pop, he grimaces and moans and refuses to talk.  Tim Duncan is tall and emotionless just like his tree, while Tony Parker says “oui” and eats a tasty french pastry.

Luol Deng puts in work and always keeps his cool, while with long hair and scary screams, Joakim Noah resembles a ghoul. They look eagerly at the stockings that are all hung, wishing Santa placed Nate Robinson inside of one.

The refs sprang to mid-court, to the players gave a whistle, and away they all jumped like an anti-ballistics missile. But I heard David Stern exclaim, ‘ere he drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!”


Cole has been writing with Daily Snark since 2012. He was an early contributor in basketball, writing satire articles. He enjoys the NBA, NFL and NCAA sports. Only likes to be photographed wearing his shades. A big Grateful Dead fan.