Chicken Parm Sales See Dramatic Drop After Manning Retirement


DENVER, CO – Peyton Manning’s retirement will take some getting used to.

The 18-season NFL great has suited up for each start of the previous 19 seasons, with a large sum of NFL fans not even been alive last time Manning was not playing in the NFL.

Unfortunately, other facets outside of football are seeing a change of scenery since Manning officially announced his retirement Sunday morning in Denver.

The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) is reporting a dramatic slump in chicken parmesan sales in the end of the 1st quarter, just a week after Manning hung it up for good. Researchers are trying to find answers.


They’re not sure at this point if the drop was caused by inflation of the popular Italian-American dish due to Manning’s Nationwide commercials, reinforcing viewers that it “tastes so good,” and then we’ve fallen back into a plateau which appears to be a slump or otherwise.