BREAKING: ISIS Signs Free Agent QB Colin Kaepernick To 1-Year Deal

By
Randy Oliver
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MOSUL, SYRIA – After a period of time where it appeared Colin Kaepernick may be out of a job for quite some time, he’s finally found a home.

According to ESPN’s Adam Schefter, ISIS has decided to sign the former 49ers quarterback to a one-year deal worth in upwards of $7 million.

Kaepernick opted out of his contract with San Francisco weeks ago, and hadn’t garnered much interest even with numerous teams in need of veteran quarterbacks, until now of course.

“الأَبْجَدِيَّة العَرَبِيَّة‎‎الأَبْجَدِيَّة الالأَبْجَدِيَّة العَرَبِيَّة‎‎ يَّة‎‎ ” said ISIS GM Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

“We think he can be a strong asset for us, a translator said. “He’s not very accurate, but with bombs and grenades, that isn’t the most important of attributes.”

“He is quite explosive though,” he added. “At only 7 million, he’s a real bang for your buck.”

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